Senate Reform, Schmenate Reform...

Of course, Stephen Harper is fighting for his political life. Everyone in Canada (and those others who watch The Daily Show) know this. But now, the champion of senate reform is now going to appoint 18 new Conservative senators before Christmas.

Senators have the most ridiculously posh job on earth. Appointed by a prime minister, they have the job until the age of 75 - of course, that's assuming that the lazy little fuckers bother to show up at all.

He wants to even the odds. A palm-smack to the forehead, especially since his new 18 Conservative senators will put them in power - with only 20 less than the majority Liberals will still have.

Has Harper cut funding to education and I didn't hear??

Censorship at it's *!@#@ing Finest!!

So one of my favorite movies, Blazing Saddles, is currently on TV. Now, because it's TV in Canada, a classic movie like this can take one of two forms: completely unedited (because it is Canada, after all), and the censored, family-friendly version. Unfortunately, it's the latter.

So explain to me why shit and goddamnit are blanked out, and yet n***ger is in full force? Particularly ironic and infuriating - especially considering yesterday's historic events.

Yet another good reason to keep Republicans from ruling the world!

The Nightmare is Over!!!

On the Eve of History...

One has to wonder whether or not Barack Obama actually has a lock on the White House like everybody seems to be thinking he does. They said the same thing about John Kerry and Al Gore. Keep your fingers crossed...

Happy Halloween!

My favorite creepy character...

Discovery Channel Has Got It Right

Network promos are usually boring as shit. Whoring out their sexy, stick insect stars crying "Watch us! Watch us!!" is living proof that narcissism is alive and well. But the Discovery Channel has certainly gotten the promo right. Catchy tune, simple enough to fully enable all their stars regardless of singing ability, but that sticks in your head for a long time after. And DC has even launched a contest for the best fan-generated version of the ad.



And the Canadian version (just because I like Andrew Younghusband):

I Called It...

Let us review, shall we?

Oil ridiculously expensive? Check.
Housing prices starting to fall? Check
Stock market crashing? Check.

My entry from back in April 2006 pretty much sums it up. Psychic abilities? Big check.

Damn, I Hate When An Analogy Is Right

I mentioned previously in the Tennis Lesson #2 post that a second lesson is like showing up for your second day at your new job - you think you can do it, and fate smacks you across the chops and yells, "What the fuck are you thinking?"

Acting Class #2 was tonight. Started out great with a good scene with a young woman playing my daughter. Then we came to tonight's cold read - a scene from Boys On The Side between Mary-Louise Parker and Whoopi Goldberg. MLP's character Robin is throwing WG's Jane out for accidentally telling her boyfriend she has HIV.

Should be simple enough to figure out, right?

Unfortunately, Second Day on the Job Syndrome kicked in, and what should have been a serious oh fuck I'm sorry moment came out of my mouth as a giddy, embarassed oops instead.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

This not reading a line until it's time to deliver it is going to kill me. I think I liked working in oblivion much better. At least then I have an excuse to act like an ass.

Is It Mandatory to Get a Lobotomy Before Running for the Conservatives?

Our current (and hopefully soon forgotten) federal agriculture minister is the prince of tact.

If you're not in Canada, let's bring you up to speed.

Maple Leaf Foods, a Canadian food institution, had to pull millions of dollars of cold cuts from the shelves because of contamination that causes listeriosis. This has killed 17 people so far, and could kill many more as it takes months for symptoms to begin showing.

So this crown prince of idiot decides to say in a meeting (when referring to the current election, "This is like a death by a thousand cuts. Or should I say cold cuts." Then to add another jewel to his crown he says when told of a new death, "Please tell me it's (Liberal MP) Wayne Easter," - the Liberal critic for his department.

Now you see, this is the problem with democracy - not only can you elect anyone, but you can elect anyone with just enough brain cells to manage to scrape together signatures and an entry fee.

Fringe

Okay, so Fox is airing the pilot episode of Fringe. At first sight, it really looks like an old script from The X-Files. For that matter, it has a lot of the same elements - foxy FBI agents, creepy stranger, people melting to death on a plane...

Any of this sounding familiar?

I'm half an hour in, but this already seems pretty hackneyed. We've seen this before. And before. And before. The only new element seems to be the hardass from Homeland Security that's running the show. That, and the scene titles that they seem to have stolen from Heroes. Let's just hope it can rise above its first impression.

Before the icky stretching guy reaches through the nearest duct to pull the plug on it.

The Best Thing I've Heard Today

"I think he's regretting not picking her now, I do. What determination, and grit, and even grace through some tough shots that were fired her way -- she handled those well." - Sarah Palin, to Charlie Gibson tonight on World News with Charles Gibson.

The Best Thing I've Heard Today

"Sarah Palin should spare us the phony sentiment and respect. Governor Palin accused Senator Clinton of whining and John McCain laughed when a questioner referred to her by using a demeaning expletive. John McCain and Sarah Palin represent no meaningful change, just the same failed policies and same divisive, demeaning politics that has devastated the middle class." - Florida Congresswoman and vocal Clinton backer Debbie Wasserman Schultz.

The Best Thing I've Heard Today

"Jesus was a community organizer - Ponchos Pilot was a governor"

Susan Sarandon, commenting on the US political race.

Elizabeth May is In!!

Ha! The old boys gave in!

The Green Party's leader, Elizabeth May, was excluded by from the national English and French television debates for the second election in a row. The last time around she was told that it was because her party wasn't running candidates in every riding. This year, they told her it was because she didn't have a MP in Parliament (which she got a week ago).

Here's the lesson kids - if you're going to lie, make sure you tell the same lie twice.

A national backlash was swift in coming, lead by Ms. May's charge of being excluded because she was a woman. Not a long stretch, considering that a number of the other party leaders resorted to pulling her pigtails, stealing her lunch and saying, "Well if she's going to be there, I'm not going!" After Green supporters started dogging Smilin' Jack Layton at his campaign rally, he had no choice but to back off, leaving Stephen "the Cowboy" Harper no choice but to capitulate as well.

Finally! We've managed to figure out how to make MPs listen to Canadians!

The First Volley in the Lipstick Wars

"You can put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig." - Barack Obama.

Can anyone else hear Howard Dean yelling?

Barack Obama may have been able to ride on his white horse past Hillary Clinton to the finish line, but he's going to have to watch his mouth if he expects to win this election. John McCain managed to build himself a fervor with Sarah Palin, and despite her personal so-called-feminist politics (wanting to ban abortion even in the case of rape or incest is certainly no feminist that I've ever met), women all over America are deciding whether they want to stick with their sister on this one.

You don't need to sleep around to lose an election. Just ask Dan Quayle if he watches Murphy Brown reruns.

My First Acting Class

Even though I've been acting off and on for the last 17 years, believe it or not, I've never actually taking an acting class. And what a great experience to be missing! Within a couple of cold reads, I'm already starting to learn to stop concentrating on the words on the page and instead start to quickly crawl inside a character that I've never met. A weird sensation began to crawl into the pit of my stomach.

I was ACTING! God knows it's a first. ;)

I was so incredibly nervous before starting, and was more than pleasantly surprised with what awaited me. I can't wait to go back next week.

Angelina better watch out, cuz I'm coming to town!

It's Time to Face the "Hole in the Wall"

My first foray into the new television season has landed me on "Hole in the Wall" - Fox's ripoff of a popular Japanese game show. Simply put, the object is to contort your body to fit through a silhouette cutout as it slides toward you, otherwise you end up in the drink.

The first two teams, all men fitted in lovely silver jumpsuits that draw direct attention to their measuring sticks, are comprised of either bodybuilders or beer guzzlers. One of whom listed their biggest thrill in life as being kicked out of a Kevin Federline concert.

Best of America's best, right?

None of the men are over 5'9", which is fine. But it seems Fox simply borrowed the sets from Japan - none of the cutouts are even close to big enough to fit these guys. And the host's cry of "It's time to face ... the hole..." will certainly not go down in history of "is that your final answer" and "are you smarter than a fifth grader".

I think I'm about to scoop my brain out with a rusty shovel. The pain would definitely be less. New season - strike one!

The Liberals are About to Get Their Asses Handed To Them...

With a "snap" election call mere hours away, CTV News had a very interesting story on how each party is ramping up. Apparently Stephan Dion, who is even more annoying than Al Gore, has chosen a Boeing jet built in 1979 as his party's official air transportation.

1979??

Their excuse? They bought carbon credits to offset the carbon dioxide that this clunker will spew across Canada.

What the fuck??

I admit my knowledge of how carbon credits work is slim at best, but when you've spent the last year or two preaching at Canadians to be as green as possible, is the smartest move to make it THAT easy for the Conservatives ammunition?

I hate to say it, but Smilin' Jack Layton is starting to look interesting. It's a sad, sad day for Canada.

Well if She Doesn't Win In America, She Could Rule Alberta

Sarah Palin has a huge set.

Of cahones, you perverts.

This girl's speechwriter deserves a HUGE raise. Because her words have raised ranks of walking-dead Republicans that we all love to hate. I've never seen so many standing ovations, starting with a three minute standing ovation before the governor of Alaska could even begin speaking.

Her speech at the Republican National Convention ran the entire range of topics and tones, from her introducing her husband (a world champion snowmobile driver) and her oldest son (deploying to Iraq on September 11th) to taking barely-veiled potshots at Barack Obama's coronation (her question of what Obama would do after his styrofoam Greek columns were returned to a Hollywood studio was priceless) and his lack of record ("he's authored two books, but not a single law").

Truly showing her stripes, she remarked that while John McCain would defend the country from Al Quaida, Barack Obama (though she never used his name) would be more concerned about reading terrorists their rights. She could very well fit in with the Alberta rednecks that I know.

It barely felt like 40 minutes - she is a decent speaker that was able to keep this cynic (and probable future Democrat) truly entertained. I can't help but wonder just what kind of turn these campaigns are going to take.

President Milquetoast?

Okay, so John McCain isn't the greatest speaker on earth. He's not even the most desirable-looking politician (watching him smile reminds me of watching Mr. Burns trying to smile when running for governor). He got his point across, and that's all he had to do.

His prisoner-of-war history was used quite a bit, not only in his speech but also in the tribute film that ran before it. John Kerry couldn't motivate voters with the three purple hearts won in Vietnam - will John McCain fare any better?

For once in recent history, both the presidential and vice presidential debates are going to be very, very interesting. And probably much more original than what's on TV.

They're Doing a Dance in Vancouver Kingsway

So lo and behold, with another federal election looming, the news comes out yesterday that David Emerson will not be seeking re-election.

I think some of his constituents cried and maybe peed their pants a little.

This gem of a politician was elected as a Liberal for Vancouver Kingsway after being annointed to the post by ex-prime minister Paul Martin. When the Conservatives won a minority government, Emerson managed to cross the floor before the new PM was even sworn in. Needless to say, his supporters were more than a little pissed.

Now if only we could convince Stephen Harper to cross over to the Natural Law or the Rhino party....

Tennis Lesson #2

So tonight was my second tennis lesson. After tennis lesson number one, I was feeling pretty damned good. Seemed like I had some natural ability - and this for someone who hasn't put an honest effort into exercising for years.

You ever start a new job, and feel that you learned so much on the first day that you think you remember how to do the stuff on the second day?

For the first hour of tonight's lesson, I was an absolute klutz. Couldn't hit a darn thing. The ball could have bee the size of New Jersey and I would have missed it. But eventually my body started remembering what it was doing, and the instructor said I had "great form" whilst serving and volleying.

If you're looking for me, I'm the one with her feet in a bucket of ice.

A Grandmother in the White House?!?

Okay, so it was revealed that Sarah Palin's 17-year-old daughter is pregnant with her "redneck" hockey player boyfriend's baby. Suddenly this has become a political issue.

Why?

We all know that teenagers very rarely use their heads, and that's without being in the heat of the moment. Parents can harp until they drop dead of asphyxiation and their kids may or may not listen to what they're being told. Without knowing what went on that household, no one really has the right to turn this poor kid's accident into a political weapon. For god's sake, it's not like she slept with Michael Dukakis! (Ewww!!)

At least if she'd slept with Bill Clinton, she could have gotten commercial endorsements.

High School Was a While Ago, But...

I caught the first few minutes of 90210 tonight (purely by mistake, I assure you), which included our young Kansas heroine inadvertently catching a girl giving her boyfriend a hummer in a car outside the school before morning classes.

I don't know about you - but that's a new one on me. I'm all for realistic television, but did anybody do or see this sort of thing when they were in high school??

US Politics Just Got A Lot More Interesting...

So how do you top Barack Obama speaking to 80,000+ rabid Democrats in a speech that rivals JFK, Martin Luthor King and Abraham Lincoln?

You try and make a woman vice-president.

Last night as I watched Barack Obama's impassioned stadium speech, I wondered whether people were going to buy him for his personality or for the production value of his speeches. Between his beautiful wife, nauseatingly beautiful children and his traditional old white man running mate, he had appeared to have things locked up. A new Camelot for the 21st century.

Insert squealing brakes here...

John McCain (or the party, because who really knows if he truly made the choice himself) has made a very daring decision. Sarah Palin is someone that could be the answer to all those PUMAs out there who were desperately holding out this week, but she's a complete contradiction in terms. A pro-life feminist who has a son deploying to Iraq, and yet she represents the latest stab at the glass ceiling where Hillary Clinton just came up short.

As a Canadian, I should have little to no interest in the US presidential race. But as a people watcher, it's been more hours of entertainment than Hollywood has even tried to churn out in the last few years.