I try to stay positive about looking for work as an actor, because I know full well what I’m up against as someone who isn’t a Size 0. But today a conversation with my agent threw me for a bit of a loop. She told me that she wasn’t able to submit me for anything lately, even though there’s quite a bit of work these days, because the pilots that are being cast are pretty much looking for the same small group of actors they always are.
I’m not saying that every casting director in the world should run out and cast fat people for every production. Hell, I wouldn’t do that when casting my own projects. I did an interview for a national entertainment show a few years back when they did a spot on plus-size actors, and they asked me why it’s so hard for larger actors (especially women) to find work. And I still have the same answer that I did then. People want to see fantasy in their day-to-day TV and film viewing. Why else would we have high-end soaps like Gossip Girl and Desperate Housewives? I personally like shows that have characters that are much closer to real life, but those shows don’t tend to last long.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be an actor any less. So why do I keep doing this to myself?
Because for me, acting is the most incredible experience. There’s something electrifying about crawling inside a character and bringing them to life, feeling all their drama and emotion, and then letting it all fly away when you’re done. Sometimes it can be an exploration of the human experience. Other times, it’s just silly and it makes you laugh until you pee yourself.
Either way, it’s not something that I’m about to give up on again.
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